Sal's Reflections - SinC(n3)
Because he took on too much
Let’s talk about Sal!
Let’s dive into a reflection of the “Aura of Sal.” This is the story of a man with a deeply traumatic childhood, an orphan who did all the dirty jobs to pull himself out of undesired situations, which landed him an opportunity to be a “great man.” His actions brought him success but also the stress and strain of reaping the rewards of the tyrant’s cycle.
Yes, I realize that story was quite long; I got caught up in the “flow.” I had planned to break it up but really wanted the experience to be all together, all the feels at one time. However, I understand that readers have busy lives, and so do I. I intend to make shorter posts or do them in parts next time.
I promote self-reflection & critical thinking; How to use systems to navigate life? ❤️🪴🧠💎
In a previous post, part 2 of "Genesis of an Imposter," I talked about the 4 types of self reflections. These are techniques structured systematically to help guide you through self-reflection. There are many other techniques for reflection; I’m just sharing mine in the hope it helps someone. I do attempt to use these techniques daily, but mostly I get one of the four in, and that one is, yep, you guessed it, the easiest one for me: “Reflection of Flow.”
[see below: 4 Types of Reflection]
Life is complicated, so I figure if I can use stories to illustrate how these systematic techniques can be applied, maybe you can find value in them or create a reflection technique that works well for you.
I’ll use Sal’s story to show you a few examples of my systematic technique’s inner structure, and hopefully, it can inspire ideas for you to continue to Reflect Often.
Let’s SinC(n)
Into my thoughts
Reflection of Acknowledgment
"Sal asked, 'Why me?'"
This is Sal's moment of acknowledging his situation and the impact it had on him. He is reflecting on the event that changed his life and accepting his feelings of confusion and loss.
The hardest moments are the ones we ignore when we reflect only on the pain of having to relive some of the most horrible events in our personal history. Yet, it’s there we’ll find the key to understanding our identity. Sal’s “why me?” is a moment in time we all share when things didn’t go our way, but that is only part of the story. So, it is “YOU” now what? What did you learn? You cannot fix everything or think there’s a perfect solution to your perceived problem. Recapping these moments in detail to capture the “good stuff” will allow you to see the gems. 💎 But we must also acknowledge the bad to allow us to find some “Good” hiding, waiting for us to seek it out.
"He must live in arrangements that never appeared in his dreams."
Sal acknowledges the harsh reality he is facing, which is far from what he ever envisioned for himself.
I have had several moments of “why me.” They weren’t exactly like Sal’s, but enough to put me in a headspace of concern and anxiety. I’ve lost my older brother and first Son, both carrying the same name. To hurt at 18 and then again in my 30s forced me to avoid looking back, to avoid reflecting. I avoided remembering my brother for such a long time to not hurt, but when I finally acknowledged his passing, I learned much more about myself and remembered all the positive he brought into my life. Remembering the short minutes my first son lived, holding him in the palm of my hand, was terrifying and the most indescribable helpless feeling ever. Trying to ignore those moments never worked. However, embracing the joy that I brought life into this world and my eagerness to be the rock for my wife led to my lovely twin girls.
Reflection for Preparation
"Sal, always finding these conversations insightful, was glued to the audio of the challenging points."
Sal is preparing himself for life's challenges by absorbing the deep questions and conversations about the meaning of life, which equips him with a thoughtful perspective.
"Sal’s father, Minka, was a warrior of getting anything done."
This reflects Sal’s preparation by drawing inspiration from his father’s approach to life. He mentally prepares himself to adopt a similar mindset of determination and execution.
Do we ever really feel prepared? I wonder sometimes what preparation truly is. To start a business, to take that test, to buy a house, to go to that interview, or even to do the hard stuff, like having an uncomfortable conversation or saying NO! Why is it so hard to choose the moment when you would say, “Yeah, I’m ready”?
Sal had a lot of motivations to draw from. His experiences forced him to ask these types of questions. Since his intuition seemed to never fail him, he depended on it as the impetus to get things done. Those moments of listening in on deep conversations forced him to think deeply about the topics. Forming opinions and ideas made him believe, “We can choose our own path.” A small bias in his belief system that his “smartness” is in his family or bloodline gave him another nudge toward preparedness. Determining the rituals that will allow you to feel truly prepared was the key. Sal did it all: setting the goal, the place, the strategy, reflecting and correcting, adjusting for potential blockers, and knowing his true resources allowed him initial success.
Sal had a few inspirations to draw on, but my own fear stagnated me, preventing me from believing I could be considered for the job I was interviewing for. To be prepared, I was always ready to put in the work with countless hours of studying for interviews, yet it failed me every time. I prepared for everything, and I never really felt prepared. I asked my friends, who would say, “Just imagine everyone on the other side wants you to win.” But they don’t, though; my mind distracts me.
The day I walked into the interview and said, “whatevs,” I shocked even myself with the answers to things I thought I didn’t know or had forgotten. Drawing from times I did well or received positive feedback was the catalyst for me being exactly where I needed to be; prepared.
"I’m going to do it" whispered Sal.
This demonstrates Sal's mental preparation and commitment to taking action, showing his readiness to face and overcome obstacles.
Reflection for Solution
“ ‘I’m telling you, this will work’ Sal pleaded desperately to convince Ansley.”
Sal is focusing on a problem (Ansley’s hesitation) and continuously reflects on it to generate a solution, which he believes is his ladder system.
For your dreams and vision, you must believe in them more than anyone else. You must convince yourself first. You must know the intricacies of your dream: how it can fail, what to focus on, what you know now, how to perpetually move forward, truly understand the pitfalls, also the successes and goals you want for your dream. Don’t stop there; consider how it feels, smells, and how it affects those around you.
Wow, exhausting just to dream, right? But Sal was a dreamer, a big dreamer, though his approach needed guidance, nurturing, or just experience. You can only account for what you know; what you don’t know is the job. Rely on what you know and trust it will take you forward. When you believe in your dream so deeply, it shines on you and the energy vibrates in a radius surrounding you. This is what happened to Sal, convincing Ansley to partner with him. Being consistent, disciplined, and determined with consideration of all the variables, helps you makes strides towards your dream.
"He tried social media, direct messages, existing meetings, and spontaneous visits. None had really worked for Sal."
Sal’s engagement in mental solutioning as he tries various methods to persuade Ansley shows his dedication to finding a solution.
Solutioning is a cognitive load that can leave you overwhelmed and drained. No wonder I’m always tired, I'm always trying to find a solution. This is my happy place: give me a problem, and I will solve it. Dreaming is key to solving problems, it is part of the equation to coming up with solutions. When I coded more, I usually "woke up with the answer." I’d be pondering a coding problem for hours, the day would end, but I’d take the work home, staring blankly at my computer with no answer. Even when I focused hard on troubleshooting, I would eventually become completely frustrated and confused.
Eventually, I prioritized the problem in my mind, unknowingly. When I went to bed, my mind continued to work on the problem somehow. The sudden break out of sleep, something very uncommon in my home, would startle my wife, but now she just looks at me and says, "He must have found the answer."
Reflection of Flow
"Sal humbly entered Tily’s venture, as they dissolved ExitFirst."
Sal enters a new phase without a clear, structured plan, allowing his mind to adapt and find new opportunities within ImHere.
"He still believes he can do this all by himself."
Sal allows his mind to flow through different emotions and thoughts, demonstrating the unstructured reflection of flow as he navigates his internal conflicts and external challenges.
To be a leader, you must be comfortable with the unknown, ambiguity, and the dark. That feels like the journey we should all be on, we should be striving to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Sal had mastered this and was ready to work with Tily. The thing about the Reflection of Flow is that it gives you so much “good stuff” to ponder or act upon, as this is a mix of acknowledgment, preparation, and solutioning. Imagine how many touch points you have in your reflection, the dopamine and confidence you gain from focusing on the “good stuff” you find.
Sal’s confidence was locked in his mindset so deeply that unscrewing it wasn’t an option. We must give ourselves grace to fail; we learn from falling. We can focus on our dream, believe in it, but leave an opening for adjustments and pivoting. That's a lot of information to process and decide on. Choosing bad options will just make way for the next tyrant who, if not leading with a mindset of helping others first, will fall into the same cycle.
"Fran’s father was a warrior."
Fran’s reflection on his father’s defining moments shows a flow of thoughts connecting past experiences to current motivations and actions.
Some nights, I’m just tired. I close my eyes, and I’m ouuuuuut! But when I find myself stuck in the thinking loop of the day, I start by getting into flow. Sometimes I may not make it through all 4 techniques cause, ouuuuutt!
I start with asking myself these questions:
What can you acknowledge from this day?
What do you need to prepare for tomorrow?
What needs solving, the 1 thing?
Ok, now reap your answers. < Somewhere in here, if I make it this far, ouuuuut!
💎That’s Fantabulous💎
Another one …❤️
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